Dirk Musclechops

Divisional Weekend in the NFL

2006-01-14T11:03:00.000-08:00

Let's see if I can keep my hot streak going by picking all four of the winners this weekend just like I did last weekend. Man if I wasn't so broke I'd put some cash on the games which knowing me would cause all my picks to go right down the toilet.

Redskins vs. Seahawks

I swore I'd never say or write this but I like the Hawks. Well I like them in this game but as a franchise I have a strong dislike for them. After seeing the Skins offense last week I just can't roll with them this week. I'm not sold on the Seahawks as a team, there is no real or concrete reason but I just don't see a lot of winners on the roster. In this game I think Shaun Alexander, Matt Hassleback, Mack Strong, Steve Hutchinson and Walter Jones will wear down the Redskins defense and run away with the game in the second half.

The Seahawks defense isn't the Bucks defense but they will do enough to slow down what I think will be a rejuvenated Skins offense for the win. Is it just me or does Mark Brunell look like he's as old as Joe Gibbs? Grant Wistrom pressures Brunell and Marcus Tubbs and Lofa Tatupu clog the middle enough to shut down Portis and Co. late in the game to preserve the Hawks win.

Players to watch:
Skins: Lavar Arrington. He is the most skilled linebacker in the league and it's about damn time he showed it. He and Washington could be the difference in the game if they can slow down Alexander the great.
Hawks: Michael Boulware: This guy is monster and he'll be the key for the Hawks stopping the Skins running attack.

One last point I'd like to make is the battle between Philip Daniels and Walter Jones in the running game. Daniels is a former Seahawk and one tough son of a bitch who along with Cornelius Griffin could make life tough for the all world left side of the Hawks line. If you can take your eyes out of the backfield watch this battle.

Seahawks 27 - Redskins 17

Patriots vs. Broncos

As a Raiders fan I have reason to hate both of these teams but I hate the Broncos far more than I hate the Pats. Sure the Pats dynasty would never have been if it wasn't for the tuck rule that they got against the Raiders but I can't hate on them for keeping it going while the Raiders flushed their great team away. All dislike aside the Pats are just a better team than the Broncos are and therefore they should win. I think Jake "the snake" reverts back to being Jake "the fake" under the unrelenting pressure of the Pats front seven. I do look forward to watching Richard Seymour eating George Foster's lunch and proving why he is the best D-lineman in the NFL. To sum it all up Brady will dissect the Broncos D, Dillon will quietly have a nice 100-120 yard day, the Pats D will exert its will on the Broncos offense to stop both Anderson and Bell, Jake Plummer will look like the crappy QB he was in Arizona but with a ugly beard and Ashley Lelie will go back to being just another tall, fast wideout with shit hands just like he was when he came out of Hawaii after he gets popped by Eugene Wilson.

Players to watch:
Broncos: Al Wilson. He is sort of like Sam Huff was in the 50's when he started to get some pub instead of the offensive players. If the Broncos win the game it will have a lot to do with his play.
Patriots: Richard Seymour. Seymour is an all-time player. 'Nuff said.

Pats 21 - Broncos 10

F*^k the Broncos 'cause the Broncos suck

All new Camaro from Chevy. Whoopty f%$king shit

2006-01-13T16:50:00.000-08:00

Man I just got a look at the new Camaro that was unveiled at the Detroit Auto Show the other day. Maybe it's just me but it looks like a Corvette humped a new Mustang. I like this car a lot but it really pisses me off at the same time. I loved the look of the last years of the last generation of Camaro's. There aren't too many cars I've liked the look of better than an all black Camaro with the red SS badges on the side. Hot f&%king car. If you couldn't get laid in that get the hell out of Canada. I'm not saying you'll get the top shelf scraw every time out in one, but you'll never be wanting either. Thanks to Chevy that car was phased out in favor of the bloated, monkey ass ugly GTO. The GTO is often refered to as the first true muscle car (it wasn't, the Chrysler 300 letter cars were) and how does GM revieve suck a classic? They import a piece of shit from Australia that looks like an Cobalt with a beer gut.

The whiz kids at GM could have done a worse job or course, they could have taken an axe to their entire muscle car heritage like Chrysler did. A four door Charger? Are you fucking retarded? A four door TRUCK with a dayton stripe and wing? Go fuck yourself. Whoever green lighted that abortion should be beaten into a coma with a ball peen while his/her spouse and kids watch. The boys at Dodge have one shot ate redmeption and it lies in the newly unveiled Challenger concept car. That is one slick looking unit and you know why? Because it looks like the 1970 e-body classic. It just goes to prove that you can make a splash without crapping on tradition.

I hate the Raiders and I'm their biggest fan.

2006-01-11T13:14:00.000-08:00

Well what can I say about the Raiders season? How about dog s^%t, complete and utter dog s*#t. What has happened to this once proud f&%king franchise? At one time they had the leagues all time best winning percentage and now they might be a threat to win six a year. This is the kind of season that really tested my loyalty to my team. I knew this season was probably going to be a trying one with their schedule and having to play each team in the division twice. On top of all that I have to hear about my two least favorite players in the world non stop on the telecasts. Randy Moss in now officially overrated and Warren Sapp always has been. I’ve absolutely detested by the site of those two the past three years and now both of them get mentioned to the point of giving me nausea every time I watch a game. As if the games weren’t painful enough to watch before they came on board. Warren Sapp is NOT a hall of fame player because the he is far too one dimensional. A defensive tackle that can’t stop the run is like a running back who can’t pass block or catch out of the back field. Great players have complete games or at least try to make up for their deficiencies with some effort. Mr. Sapp has never even pretended to try and stop the run. Throw in his constantly stupid tactics (running thorough the other teams stretching lines and the cheap shot on Chad Clifton of the Packers) and even dumber comments in the media and what do you have? A fat, out of shape jackass who shouldn’t (but probably will) make the HOF. Hate him and always have.

Next in line in the shit parade is Randy Moss, what an a%#hole. I remember I was eighteen, playing junior football in Canada and playing cornerback for the first time in my life when Randy Moss was in his rookie season in the NFL. He was the scariest player I had ever seen the night he played the Packer on MNF. Now he is a jerk off who runs over traffic cops, plays only when he wants to and mouths off about his ex-quarterback for no reason. Randy had better thank god Terrell Owens came along to become the biggest moron at wide-receiver.

It’s tough to cheer for a team that brings in your two least favorite players in back to back years but I struggle on in the vain hope that they will win some games for the team. Big f*&king surprise that they didn’t. I couldn’t watch anymore after the Jets and Browns games. At least I know what it’s like to be a Toronto Maples fan now. One old, washed up player after another gets mad jack to stink it up for a couple of years before moving on and leave no legacy of winning behind. I miss Rich Gannon, that man was a true winner.

The last time I was excited about a free agent or draft pick the Raiders got was Robert Gallery who hasn’t managed to beat out the competent but far from great Barry Sims at left tackle. When Orlando Pace came out the Raiders traded up to the second spot in the draft to nab him and I was psyched. I’m a huge Michigan Wolverines fan and I saw him dominate in THE GAME (fat load of good it did, Michigan still won to beat an undefeated OSU team with an NFL roster, OSU sucks), read about him in S.I., the pancake blocks and his heisman campaign. Well the Raiders missed out on him when St. Louis traded up for him a couple of days before the draft. The Raiders got a great second prize in the late Darrell Russell. Four years into their careers you’d be hard pressed to find anyone who thought the Raiders got a lesser player in Russell. Since then Russell flushed his career and considerable talent down the toilet for drugs before dying in a car accident recently. I hope he finds peace where he is now, but he is indicative of the recent fortunes of the Raiders. "Oh what might have been" has now replaced “Just win baby”.

Al Davis can go out and try to hire the next great offensive coach if he wants to (and yes he wants to find himself another Mike Shanahan or Johnny G in TB so they can get fed up this his BS and leave to become the Raiders tormentors) but what he really needs to do is go out and get a defensive coordinator to be the head coach and let him bring in an offensive coordinator to score the points needed while the defense fixes itself. Hire Ted Cottrell tomorrow Al.

The defense was terrible the entire year and won’t get any better for the conceivable future if Al keeps drafting speed corners over cover corners. Kirk Morrison was a find and should have got some run as defensive rookie of the year but didn’t because of what Shawn Merriman did on national t.v. and the putrid state of the Raiders defense. Build a team around defense now because the offense first approach isn’t working any more. And for cripes sake pick between a 4-3 and 3-4 base and stick with it. Put Tyler Brayton at end with is hand on the ground regardless of the formation, he’ll be great across for Derrick Burgess on third downs.

I’m sick of the losing to shit teams, drafting lousy players too early (see the last three years drafts with the exception of Hawthorne, Morrison and Gallery), anemic “high powered” offenses and signing players with big mouths and small production. Do something with is team Al, PLEASE. I’m starting to feel like I did with the Calgary Flames a few years ago where coach after coach would come and go, the good players would leave and the culture of losing would get worse and worse. I couldn’t watch after a while. I’d get excited at the start of every year only to come crashing down when the stretch drive came along. Well the Flames got the right, defensive coach to build around and now the offense is starting to take care of itself. I’m wondering how much longer I’ll have to rubber neck this car wreak of a team before it gets cleaned up? I give it two more years before I call for Al Davis to step down and for me to take his place. Hell I’m an HR student it’s my dream to run an NFL teams and I can’t do a much worse job of it then what’s happening now.

I guess if I had to sum up my feelings on the season and the team in one statement it would be to quote Clark W. Griswold in National Lampoons Christmas Vacation when he gets his Christmas bonus, “hallelujah, holy shit. Where’s the Tylenol?”.

Ran the F*&king Table This Weekend

2006-01-08T17:33:00.000-08:00

4-0 on the first weekend of the NFL playoffs, hells ya. I'd get some mad props if anyone ever read this crap, but since nobody does I'll continue to be the only one who knows how FREAKING RIGHTOUS I am. Of course this weekend wasn't too hard to pick to tell you the truth. I bet even TSN's resident bum Chris Schultz could have run the table. I hate that guy so they should hire me to do his job and then give me a raise. That's about as likely to happen as a Ryan Leaf comeback or O.J. getting his job back at NBC.

Early thoughts on next week, Bears, Pats, Colts and Hawks roll.

Calgary Flames Action

2006-01-08T07:39:00.000-08:00

Holy Herbert Christ that was a horribly ref'd game last night. I wonder if the Canucks took the Refs out for drinks last night to celebrate their win over the Flames in OT last night. I think they should have since they were equal partners in the win. It got so bad at the end of the game I couldn't go to the bathroom or I'd miss a Flames penalty. At least come playoff time those penalties won't be called and the Flames won't get jobbed.

GO FLAMES GO!!!

More Playoff Action

2006-01-08T07:01:00.000-08:00

NY Giants vs. Carolina Panthers

I'd like to be picking the Giants since I think they should win the game but some nagging sense in the back of my head tells me that the Panthers will win. I have to go with the nagging voice and say the Panthers take it, but it will be close. Tiki Barber is a very good player having a great season but I don't see him carrying the entire offense today since John Fox would be smart to stop Eli and co. and let Tiki try and beat them. A running back is easier to contain than two receivers and an all world tightend. Given Eli's struggles lately it would be the smart move to take him away and let the rest of the offense do the heavy lifting. Blitz, blitz, blitz and show no mercy.

The Giants defensive line will be opened up late in the game to a heavy dose of Deshaun and a lesser dose of Mr. Davis for Carolina to pull it out.

Carolina Player of the Game: Julius Peppers. He should have a good day if Carolina can get up early and take away Tiki since the Giants offensive line isn't a very talented group.

NY Giants Player of the Game: Amani Toomer: Best receiver on the Giants and today he proves it. Burress and Shockey get the pub but Amani is the straw that stirs the drink.

Final Score: 27 - 21 Carolina but I'm not sold on that

Cincinnati vs. Pittsburgh

Pittsburgh takes it and makes it look easier that it will actually be. Jerome Bettis right, Jerome Bettis left and fast Willy Parker all over the place. Pittsburgh should control the clock and keep the ball away from the Cincinnati offense and to quote Hank Shram "Just keep a purcoltin' it down the field". The Bengals will kill you if you give them a chance, so the smart and savy men of steel will win it but it won't be as easy as it looked.

Cincinnati Player of the Game: Brian Simmons. Most underrated linebacker in the NFL for the last few years. He's no Takeo Spikes but he's close and today he makes the plays on defense to keep them in the game. Outstanding linebacker.

Pittsburgh Player of the Game: Jerome Bettis. Bettis is one badass mofo. He should get about 80 yards and spell Fast Willie enough to keep him fresh. With Randle El and Ward running quick slants all day their will be eight in the box and that is Jerome's style. The Phat back rides again.

Final Score: 31-21 Pittsburgh.

Playoff Time

2006-01-07T11:09:00.000-08:00

'Skins vs. Bucks

Portis will run it early and often and Brunell will do just enough to get it done against the stellar corners (Barber and Kelly) of the Bucks. Carnell Williams is the key to the Bucks offense and the outstanding linebackers of the 'Skins will stop him dead. This is if Greg and Joe play Lavar Arrington for the entire game, I think at least.

Final Score: Skins 27 - Bucks 18

Pats vs. Spotted Cats

Tightend is the position to watch for the Pats in this one. They are loaded at the position and the Jags just don't have the players to cover them with Donovan Darius out for the year. Ben Watson earns his wings and has a nice coming out party as Mike Vrabel plays decoy for him. I really like him and he presents the biggest matchup problem for the Jags and he should have a big day. For the record John Henderson is a better player than Marcus Stroud and he will star against the rookie Logan Mankins today.

Final Score: Pats 31 - Jags 21.

More crude on the other games tomorrow.

A Few Quick Thoughts

2006-01-06T10:48:00.000-08:00

Toronto Raptors
Their play has been much better since Gene Keady joined the coaching staff. I bet the first day old Gene came to practice Sam Mitchell waited until he was out of ear shot and told the team if their play and winning percentage didn’t improve they’d all be required to grow the Keadying Comb Over.

Extra Note: Will Chuck Swisky please shut now.

World Junior Championship
Canada proves again that we are the first nation of hockey. What a game in the final and what a team it was. Hard working, talented, hard hitting and relentless, Sutter style hockey is now Canada’s form of hockey.

USA hockey’s National Development program is a failure so far. Turns out that Jack Johnson is a thug, Philly Kessel ain’t that damn good and they can’t play as a team. Nice work, good use of funds.

Calgary Flames
I love this team. Shean “Streaks” Donovan is in a hot spell, so look out NHL. When old Shean gets going he scores ‘em in bunches then disappears for long stretches which I’m ok with as long as he actually gets hot at some point.

Mikka is probably the Flames best goaltender of all time but he’ll have to perform for a few years more and deliver a cup before he can officially pass Mike Vernon. I loved Mike when I was a kid but he never dominated games like Mikka does and he never got many shutouts. His teams were much more proficient scoring with great defense and special teams. Mikka has the makings of great defense in front of him, decent but improving special teams but no where near the offensive talent of Mike V’s early teams. #34 till I die son.

Checkout the Battle of Alberta Blog which is written by my brother in law, Matt, and his friend Sacamano, or the Sac-man if you prefer, it’s a great blog.

Bonus Thought: Leafs blow, Oilers suck and Canucks lick.

Paris Hilton
I was walking into a Shoppers Drug Mart last night to get some Orange Crush and Cool Ranch Doritos for the World Junior game and the store had a sticker on the door advertising a new Paris Hilton perfume. I can’t stop wonder what woman would want to smell like stale gin and old crabs. Just can’t figure that one out. I don’t want to smell like I’ve humped more junk than a desert camel, so why would anyone else?

Great Big Sea
This band sucks, straight up. Why do all their songs sound exactly the fu*&ing same. I think of them as a neufy version of Our Lady Peace. OLP is another of our great Canadian bands that has all of their songs sound identical to the next single and all the sorry ass crap that preceded it. I think they can thank the Canadian Content laws for most of their career success. They shouldn’t feel bad though, lots of artists are in the same boat (I’m looking at you Kim Mitchell).

Quick thoughts on Michigans Season

2005-12-22T19:25:00.000-08:00

It’s been a difficult year in the land of Maize and Blue with the close loses this year to lesser teams. Nobody could ever convince me that Notre Dame is better than Michigan. Notre Dame played above their heads and Michigan played like crap. I’ve been saying for years that Michigan’s offense needs to throw deep earlier in games and spread out the opposing defenses. It’s really frustrating watching this super talented team being held back by poor execution and lack of guts from the coaches. Every fan, broadcaster and beat writer could see it last year when Michigan would be down or needing a score and the offense would come alive with Henne to Edwards. While there was no Braylon Edwards to throw to this year, since Braylon is the best receiver of his generation in college football, Avant, Tabb, Breston and Manningham are a great core to rely on. By insisting on pounding the ball three straight times for eight yards and punting is the dumbest philosophy I know of. The days of three yards and a cloud of dust are gone; hell Ohio State runs the Spread Offense now. Times have changed (see Nebraska 04, 05 and Penn State 2005) and now is the time to open it up and get some fucking balls in the play calling. Trying to not make a mistake is a mistake in the new college game. Losing five games by less than 10 points says open it up since your defense has become dominant all of the sudden.

I knew that this team was a Top 5 team from the outset because of their defense at the end of last year against MSU, Ohio State and Texas. Sure I wanted to believe the hype just like every other fan, but it just wasn’t going to happen. I thought that Chad Henne would struggle in his sophomore season with no Braylon Edwards to bail him and his offensive coordinator out at the end of games. I didn’t know how important Mike Hart was. Boy is he something. Well for that matter that team has got a gluttony of quality backs and another on the way (Carlos Brown, 6-0 195, 4.55 40yrd dash) to complement Hart, Grady, Jackson and Martin. The defense came through when it had to since the offensive juggernaut never materialized. Dave Harris is one bad son of a bitch and didn’t know who he was at the start of the year. He’s the next Roy Manning, great linebacker who flies under the radar. He is my defensive MVP right ahead of Lamar Woodley, whom I love as a pure football player. Woodley, I believe, would be better served by playing with his hand off the ground. He could be the next Shawn Merriman if Pierre Woods isn’t. Gabe Watson is exactly what this team needed. For too long Michigan has fielded teams with small (6-1 270) D-tackles that would get moved too easily by the massive Wisconsin and Buckeye O-lines. Not anymore with Mr. Watson. I hope Marquees Slocum can fill the sizable void that Gabe is going to be leaving.

Holy CRAP!!!

2005-12-22T16:03:00.000-08:00

Well call me the stupidest blogger on Earth (with the exception of any pro Tucker Carlson or pro Bill O’Reily bloggers) because I moved and got a new computer and didn’t save my log in information. Stupid me cause I just got home and can now log in. I promise the two people who read this blog that I will post more tonnes now that I have gotten back in. Sorry for my stupidity.

Quick thoughts of the week

2005-08-08T21:18:00.000-07:00

Gretzky as a coach: Great players do not make great coaches and managers. Their players can never reach the standards they set for themselves. An all-time great such as Gretzky can teach a team skill but can never impart them the drive that made him so great. That has always been the failing of greats who turn to coaching. The fact that Gretzky wasn’t the biggest, fastest or strongest is even more of a problem for his new charges since they will never put in the effort he did. In short he may do well, a la Larry Bird, but will ultimately fail (see Ted Williams). He was just too good as a player too be able to get his players to excel as a coach. I hope I’m wrong.

The circus that is T.O. and Drew: Give him his money. I detest Terrell Owens as much as a person can but he deserves more money. His seven-year $49 million is fine just guarantee him more each year. He is a pompous ass, a diva of the highest order (which is a disgrace for a man by the way) and a truly shitty teammate but he wins games and that is all the Eagles got him for. He delivered so now it’s their turn. Break off T.O. some dough. It’s the right think too do Andy.

Ricky Williams: As opposed to T.O. I love Ricky. He is a good teammate…check that was a good teammate and will be one again. People can question his motive all they want but who cares? He’s in camp and Ronnie Brown (whom I love and wish he would report, he has the kind of game Jim Brown and Kijana Carter had. I hope he plays like Jim and doesn’t get ruined like Carter. Injuries killed his career when he was the most talented back since Ernie Davis) isn’t. It doesn’t matter if he’s there because of the money (which he is, he said about as much in a sideline interview) or pride. He is the kind of person who will not do something if it’s not what he wants to do. That should be obvious after last year. I do not condone what he did last year when he abandoned his team but he can only make that up one way and he’s trying to do so.

Bertuzzi’s back: It’s a good thing he is a talented goal scorer or he wouldn’t be. Chris Simon wouldn’t have got back in, neither would Brad May, Peter Worrell nor any other thug of note. Bertuzzi is a grade “A” thug with a grade “A” scoring touch and that’s the only reason he’s back. If it were Bertuzzi who was so brutally assaulted by an unknown player or an enforcer, that player would be kicked out for life. If you can help sell the game and put butts in seats all sins forgiven, if you’re a fringe player who sullies the game in the eyes of the casual fan and purist your given the gate for life. It’s all a matter of who you are not what you’ve done. Don’t worry about the message it sends kids they’ll learn it soon enough because that’s life folks, if it wasn’t George W. wouldn’t be president and John McCain would be.

NBA Free Agency: Who cares?

Sheffield and Manny: Shut and play. You both make ungodly sums of money to do an easy job so do it and shut up. People pay their hard earned money to watch you play baseball because they want too, so keep that in mind next time you open your mouth because with every selfish rant and stupid trade demand those people will put that money back into their pockets. Feel blessed to be where you are and praise the fans that love to cheer you. Get over yourselves and play the game.

Dear Mr. Raffy Palmeiro,

2005-08-01T20:31:00.000-07:00

Nice work Mr. Palmeiro you have just ruined your clean reputation and your candidacy for the Hall of Fame in one day. I’ll be the first to admit it, I thought you were telling the truth back when you testified before congress earlier this year. Guess I was wrong you are a dirty cheat. Guess I shouldn’t have been surprised really Jose Canseco named you in his book and he was right about Big Mac wasn’t he? Well I’m not here to talk about the past nor am I here to talk about your future. Here are some things I think you should do with your ten days off.

Come clean about the positive test: I know you will deny ever having taken steroids until the day you die but it won’t do you any good, so just come clean. The “I didn’t know I was talking a banned substance” ploy has never worked and will never work. When you get caught with the needle in the ass admit it’s yours and don’t act all pissed when we don’t believe someone put it in there without your knowing. We (the public) are not stupid so please do not treat us as such.

Retire: You knew that was coming right? Your 19-year career just got flushed down the proverbial toilet in one day so why keep going on with what everyone sees as a bullshit charade. People, myself included, are beginning to take the allegations in Jose’s book very seriously now so come clean and get out before you disgrace yourself and the game any further. Get while the getting's good, dink.

Fade from memory: Yeah that’s right get out of the game and go away and don’t come back. Take this opportunity to tell your whole tale, so take it and F off. You have disgraced your family, the game and your self so be a man about it now and tell the whole story of the steroids we all now think you took all along. Don’t do it in a book to try to get back into the writers good graces because we both know that will never happen, you listening Pete Rose. Just go away live off your ill gotten money and leave us alone.
I might sound like I’m being too hard on old Raffy but see it through my eyes if you will. Jose Canseco, Raffy and Mark McGwire were my favorite players growing up so to see these giants of my youth fall from grace is hard to say the least. I’ve always known that Jose was a nut job and that steroids probably helped make him who he had become. The other two I thought they might be clean. Wrong, Andro in Mark’s locker ended that notion. I was playing junior Football at the time of the chase for Maris so I looked up Andro in our big book of banned substances and there it was, too me that is cheating even if there was no policy in place. Raffy was the lone hold out of supposed virtue in a see of liars and cheats. Maybe that’s why I was so easily taken in by him in March and so quick to dismiss what Jose had written about him. I was wrong not too go with my gut all along. I doubted what Raffy said to congress but grew to believe it over the past few months. Stupid me. I’m 25 now and can no longer hold onto any of my youthful naiveté. Guess I will just go back to thinking everyone’s a cheater until proven innocent since most of my hero’s are just losers with no honor or class any longer.

May MNF Rest In Peace

2005-07-26T22:24:00.000-07:00

What in the name of Zombie Jesus is ESPN thinking putting Al Michaels in the booth with fucking Joe Theismann for Monday Night Football. With the flagging ratings that MNF has suffered over the past decade I don’t think putting the worst color-man in the business in the booth was the way too go. I’d love to have been in the meeting room when the suits at ESPN came up with this; “People we need to put some life into our new flag ship program Monday Night Football. Let’s start with some ideas for the play-by-play man?” Answer-“How about Al Michaels?” “Good idea, a natural fit. Now how about color man?” Answer-“How about a young fresh up and comer who does good analysis and deserves a shot.” “Are you a retard Johnson people don’t want that, we need to give the viewers a inept analyst who is so devoid of any semblance of competency that he will drive away the knowledgeable and fringe fans by the bus load. We need someone who talk through live play, misidentify players and fail to keep viewers interested. Any ideas?” Answer-“How about Joe Theismann?” “Perfect call, see Johnson that’s the kinda of asshole thinking that is going to ruin this program. Plus Theismann is already on the payroll so it’s easier for HR”

I’ve seen Theismann, listened to Theismann and I despise Theismann. He is a disgrace to all more talented broadcasters and the biggest douche in football telecasting (and that includes Phil Simms). He and Paul Maguire are intolerable to listen too for anything longer than the first five minutes of the game and now that he is by himself he’ll just flap his gums that much longer. At least he isn’t on the draft’s coverage anymore.

Way to go ESPN you just made MNF worse too watch than it was at the end of the Dennis Miller experiment. If you really want people to watch your only weekly game I have the answer, pay attention this one is really an outlandish idea. Get good commentators who will talk about the game and only the game. No pumping this retarded poker craze, no more shots of the stupid fucking horse trailer or useless chitchat about how good Desperate Housewives is because nobody watching gives a monkey scrotum about that shit. Michaels will be fine it’s Theismann that will sink your ship. Replace him with an early Matt Milen type who can talk competently about line play, will analyze and predict plays and will study the teams films before he gets into the booth instead of eating meals with every member of the two teams coaching staffs and passing that off as analysis (yeah I talking about you Theismann). Do this and you’ll make a mint, do it not and you will go down quicker than a hooker on two for one night.

Prefontaine had it coming. Dickhead kicker.

2005-07-08T22:21:00.000-07:00

Don’t get me wrong on the title, I do not condone what Robert Baker did, but I can see why he did it. For those who don’t know Robert Baker is a receiver for the Toronto Argonauts and Noel Prefontaine is the kicker for the Argos. In a game friday July 1, 2005 Baker punched his teammate on the sidelines after Baker left the game fuming over allegedly being spat upon. Prefontaine confronted Baker as he made is way off the field and was yelling and jostling Baker. Baker responded with a left hand to Prefontaines jaw that almost dumped the stupid kicker on his ass.

I think it should be said that what Baker did was inexcusable and that his one game suspension was appropriate considering it was an altercation between teammates. Striking a teammate simply cannot be tolerated in practice, game or heated sideline exchange. You listening Brian Westbrook and Bill Rowmanowski this would have helped you two morons aswell.

That having been said I loved seeing Prefontaine getting decked. Serves him right stupid ass kicker. Kickers should know their place and that place isn’t getting in a players face. Ever. Don’t speak up either, nobody cares. I can’t remember any great sound bites from Gary or Morton Anderson and that’s the way it should be. Go lay on the bench, drink some Gatorade or practice hitting the net with some kicks or anything other than talking to the real player. Get that? Huh? Dick?

Robert Baker shouldn’t have done what he did, but he wouldn’t have had too if Noel had known his place. Don’t blame Baker blame the idiot kicker.

On a side note I would like to see Peyton Manning lay out Mike Vanderjact and Donovan McNabb beat Terrell Owens until he stops moving. That is good entertainment not a no.3 receiver hammering a mouthpiece kicker.

I wish I was older

2005-06-23T21:48:00.000-07:00

I feel like I may have missed out on the classic era of college football. Gone are the good old days of pre-conference games of real interest. Sure there are still Michigan vs. Notre Dame and Florida State vs. Florida but those are almost conference games now since we see them so often. Since I’m only 25 and the son of Canadian non-sports fans I missed out on the good old days of non-conference games with meaning. There will never be another season like 1991 when Washington and Miami split the National Championship. All the elite teams that season played other elite teams en route to a great season for the most important people involved… THE FANS. Washington (12-0) vs. Michigan (10-2), Michigan vs. Florida State (11-2), Penn State (11-2) vs. Notre Dame (10-3), Michigan vs. Notre Dame, Florida State vs. Miami and Notre Dame and Florida (10-2). There were lots more games like these between elite teams that will never happen again. Why? Because the Athletic directors, coaches and boosters would rather host a home game against a scrimmage burger and make a ton of cash than risk losing their shot at being National Championship contenders by beating a National Championship contender. The only games of real interest out of conference now are the, and I hate to say it, BCS games. Last year it put together Michigan and Texas in the Rose and Oklahoma and USC for the Championship. If the NCAA can make a 12th game possible why can’t the people who finance this (fans again and yes I’m going to beat the fan drum for all it’s worth) get USC vs. Auburn. Usually when something like this doesn’t happen I look to see who will lose money for who is throwing the wrench into the system but I don’t see one here. Maybe it’s the crowd of guys who think that not having a clear-cut champion “ship” is part of the rich tradition of College football. Well all I have to say to that is F*&% THAT. Maybe the AD’s are right that another game at the start of a semester will interfere with learning. No their not, they my friend are full of shit. Practice and film study take away from a “Student” (player formost, everything else later) all year long so let’s not try and fool ourselves.

Now that the NCAA has allowed teams to play an extra game each year don’t expect Great non-conference games to start again. Nope the teams will use the extra game to schedule scrimmage burgers at home for big payday. Michigan will line up opposite Central Michigan and get 110,000 people to show up for an ass whopping. Florida and Florida State will kick the shit out of some lowly Division IAA team and Coach Snyder and K-State will destroy a Div. III team. Everyone will miss out on great seasons that could have been nad great games that never will be will. We’ll be forced to hold out hope that Utah, Fresno State or TCU will knock off one of the elite teams since they won’t be playing each other in non-conference play. Losing to the eventual National Champions won’t cost a good team a shot at the title anymore. It will be a upset to Northwestern or Baylor that will be the games you remember and that’s sad to me. Very, very sad indeed.

Worst Pro QB ever

2005-06-16T15:15:00.000-07:00

Not the least bit surprised to hear that the Chicago Bears have parted way with back up quarterback Craig Krenzel. Last season as a rookie he won his first three starts last year for the Bears but wasn’t effective in any of his starts. The move by the Bears should not have come as a surprise to anyone really, since Krenzel should have never been drafted in the first place. Think of Krenzel as Jason White with good knees. Both excellent college QB but do not have the skills to be a pro quaterback. He is a very heady quarterback (he was a molecular biology major at Ohio State) but should never have been mistaken for a player with the ability to excel in the NFL. Hell he doesn’t even have the to be a competent player at that level.

I find it truly sad that Krenzel was drafted in the fifth round last year, while this year a guy like Ernest Shazor goes undrafted. Shazor’s lack of speed cost him in the draft but he is without a doubt an NFL prospect. Krenzel on the other hand should have never been considered a prospect since he simply lacks the physical skills to compete. Everyone remembers that Krenzel won a National Championship at Ohio State. During the Buckeyes run he was merely a caretaker a QB while the defense shut everyone down and Maurice Clarett was the offensive stud. I wish Craig the best in life as long as he stays out of pro football as a player on any team I watch.

I was impressed by the World Bowl

2005-06-11T15:38:00.000-07:00

I've watched a few World Bowl before, but todays was by far the best one I have seen yet. Generally it just looks like typical minor league football. Today, however, it was a good and competative game that looked like acutall pro-football. The game came down to the last play and was seldom boring even when it looked as if Amsterdam would run away with the game. Amsterdam ended up holding on for a 27-21 win when they knocked down a pass in the Berlin end zone as the clock ran out. The Thunder could have won on a pass into the Admirals end zone on the previous play but the pass went through the Thunder recivers hands.

Several players showed that they had what it takes to not only play but possibly excell in the NFL in the coming seasons. I noticed four players that really impressed me. Here they are in no paritcualre order.

Jarrett Payton: The son of the late Bears tailback Walter Payton. It would be unfair to Jarrett or anyone to be compared to Walter so I won’t. I will say he played a game worthy of the family name. Jarrett was a victim of overwhelming depth at Miami Fla. Playing behind Clinton Portis, Willis McGahee, Najeh Davenport and Frank Gore means you don’t play. A option quarterback coming out of high school he may now just be getting used to the position. The knock on him coming out of Miami was his 4.6 speed, but today he showed great functional game speed, well enough to turn the corner consistently in the game. With good vision, speed and cutting ability he should provide Tennessee with a good back up to the seemingly fragile Chris Brown. I don’t think Tennessee will be trading for Travis Henry now. One criticism is he is not a competent pass blocker yet. That, however, can be taught.

Kurt Kittner: Allocated by the Chicago Bears he gave this Bears fan something to look forward too. After all the trouble the Bears had with back up QB’s last year Kurt performance today is cause for a sigh of relief. Jonathan Quinn and Craig Krenzel are now out and Chad Hutchinson and Mr. Kittner are now in. Kurt was accurate enough and showed the strong arm and poise that made him a top prospect going into his senior year at Illinois. While he may not have lived up to his potential yet, he looks like he may be turning the corner. On a side note Craig Krenzel should never have been drafted. He was a good quarterback at Ohio State but they ran and played defense. A quarterback who was asked not to make mistakes in college cannot be expected to win games in the pro’s. Good guy, no game.

Lil’ John Flowers: Not big, as the name would indicate, but works hard, sells out and is just a good football player. Has great quickness, good wiggle and outstanding hands. Should be a stellar third down back (if he can block, I didn’t note if he could or not) and return man. Good prospect.

Isacc Hilton: Good sized Defensive End with a good motor. He over came a personal foul that could have cost his team a shot at wining late in the fourth quarter to make plays that kept the Thunder in it. Hilton was flagged for hitting Kittner high after Kittner had released the ball. It looked clean to me (he hit Kittner in the chest but was flagged for a blow to the head) but I don’t count. He has good hustle and keeps his head in the game when he gets called for a bulls#$t roughing call.

Honorable Mention:
Dave Ragone- League offensive MVP played well but not great. One throw is a great side arm toss right in the receivers’ hands. Dropped. On another he throws high and wide and it’s caught for a TD. Same receiver, different result but so is life.

Amsterdam O-line: Got a good push against a good Defensive front all day and owned their opponents down the stretch. Don’t know the names put they played almost flawlessly at the end. The real basis of the championship team.

Yes!!!

2005-06-09T17:46:00.000-07:00

You are all so fuckin' puny next to me!