Saturday, January 14, 2006

Divisional Weekend in the NFL

Let's see if I can keep my hot streak going by picking all four of the winners this weekend just like I did last weekend. Man if I wasn't so broke I'd put some cash on the games which knowing me would cause all my picks to go right down the toilet.

Redskins vs. Seahawks

I swore I'd never say or write this but I like the Hawks. Well I like them in this game but as a franchise I have a strong dislike for them. After seeing the Skins offense last week I just can't roll with them this week. I'm not sold on the Seahawks as a team, there is no real or concrete reason but I just don't see a lot of winners on the roster. In this game I think Shaun Alexander, Matt Hassleback, Mack Strong, Steve Hutchinson and Walter Jones will wear down the Redskins defense and run away with the game in the second half.

The Seahawks defense isn't the Bucks defense but they will do enough to slow down what I think will be a rejuvenated Skins offense for the win. Is it just me or does Mark Brunell look like he's as old as Joe Gibbs? Grant Wistrom pressures Brunell and Marcus Tubbs and Lofa Tatupu clog the middle enough to shut down Portis and Co. late in the game to preserve the Hawks win.

Players to watch:
Skins: Lavar Arrington. He is the most skilled linebacker in the league and it's about damn time he showed it. He and Washington could be the difference in the game if they can slow down Alexander the great.
Hawks: Michael Boulware: This guy is monster and he'll be the key for the Hawks stopping the Skins running attack.

One last point I'd like to make is the battle between Philip Daniels and Walter Jones in the running game. Daniels is a former Seahawk and one tough son of a bitch who along with Cornelius Griffin could make life tough for the all world left side of the Hawks line. If you can take your eyes out of the backfield watch this battle.

Seahawks 27 - Redskins 17


Patriots vs. Broncos

As a Raiders fan I have reason to hate both of these teams but I hate the Broncos far more than I hate the Pats. Sure the Pats dynasty would never have been if it wasn't for the tuck rule that they got against the Raiders but I can't hate on them for keeping it going while the Raiders flushed their great team away. All dislike aside the Pats are just a better team than the Broncos are and therefore they should win. I think Jake "the snake" reverts back to being Jake "the fake" under the unrelenting pressure of the Pats front seven. I do look forward to watching Richard Seymour eating George Foster's lunch and proving why he is the best D-lineman in the NFL. To sum it all up Brady will dissect the Broncos D, Dillon will quietly have a nice 100-120 yard day, the Pats D will exert its will on the Broncos offense to stop both Anderson and Bell, Jake Plummer will look like the crappy QB he was in Arizona but with a ugly beard and Ashley Lelie will go back to being just another tall, fast wideout with shit hands just like he was when he came out of Hawaii after he gets popped by Eugene Wilson.

Players to watch:
Broncos: Al Wilson. He is sort of like Sam Huff was in the 50's when he started to get some pub instead of the offensive players. If the Broncos win the game it will have a lot to do with his play.
Patriots: Richard Seymour. Seymour is an all-time player. 'Nuff said.

Pats 21 - Broncos 10

F*^k the Broncos 'cause the Broncos suck

Friday, January 13, 2006

All new Camaro from Chevy. Whoopty f%$king shit

Man I just got a look at the new Camaro that was unveiled at the Detroit Auto Show the other day. Maybe it's just me but it looks like a Corvette humped a new Mustang. I like this car a lot but it really pisses me off at the same time. I loved the look of the last years of the last generation of Camaro's. There aren't too many cars I've liked the look of better than an all black Camaro with the red SS badges on the side. Hot f&%king car. If you couldn't get laid in that get the hell out of Canada. I'm not saying you'll get the top shelf scraw every time out in one, but you'll never be wanting either. Thanks to Chevy that car was phased out in favor of the bloated, monkey ass ugly GTO. The GTO is often refered to as the first true muscle car (it wasn't, the Chrysler 300 letter cars were) and how does GM revieve suck a classic? They import a piece of shit from Australia that looks like an Cobalt with a beer gut.

The whiz kids at GM could have done a worse job or course, they could have taken an axe to their entire muscle car heritage like Chrysler did. A four door Charger? Are you fucking retarded? A four door TRUCK with a dayton stripe and wing? Go fuck yourself. Whoever green lighted that abortion should be beaten into a coma with a ball peen while his/her spouse and kids watch. The boys at Dodge have one shot ate redmeption and it lies in the newly unveiled Challenger concept car. That is one slick looking unit and you know why? Because it looks like the 1970 e-body classic. It just goes to prove that you can make a splash without crapping on tradition.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

I hate the Raiders and I'm their biggest fan.

Well what can I say about the Raiders season? How about dog s^%t, complete and utter dog s*#t. What has happened to this once proud f&%king franchise? At one time they had the leagues all time best winning percentage and now they might be a threat to win six a year. This is the kind of season that really tested my loyalty to my team. I knew this season was probably going to be a trying one with their schedule and having to play each team in the division twice. On top of all that I have to hear about my two least favorite players in the world non stop on the telecasts. Randy Moss in now officially overrated and Warren Sapp always has been. I’ve absolutely detested by the site of those two the past three years and now both of them get mentioned to the point of giving me nausea every time I watch a game. As if the games weren’t painful enough to watch before they came on board. Warren Sapp is NOT a hall of fame player because the he is far too one dimensional. A defensive tackle that can’t stop the run is like a running back who can’t pass block or catch out of the back field. Great players have complete games or at least try to make up for their deficiencies with some effort. Mr. Sapp has never even pretended to try and stop the run. Throw in his constantly stupid tactics (running thorough the other teams stretching lines and the cheap shot on Chad Clifton of the Packers) and even dumber comments in the media and what do you have? A fat, out of shape jackass who shouldn’t (but probably will) make the HOF. Hate him and always have.

Next in line in the shit parade is Randy Moss, what an a%#hole. I remember I was eighteen, playing junior football in Canada and playing cornerback for the first time in my life when Randy Moss was in his rookie season in the NFL. He was the scariest player I had ever seen the night he played the Packer on MNF. Now he is a jerk off who runs over traffic cops, plays only when he wants to and mouths off about his ex-quarterback for no reason. Randy had better thank god Terrell Owens came along to become the biggest moron at wide-receiver.

It’s tough to cheer for a team that brings in your two least favorite players in back to back years but I struggle on in the vain hope that they will win some games for the team. Big f*&king surprise that they didn’t. I couldn’t watch anymore after the Jets and Browns games. At least I know what it’s like to be a Toronto Maples fan now. One old, washed up player after another gets mad jack to stink it up for a couple of years before moving on and leave no legacy of winning behind. I miss Rich Gannon, that man was a true winner.

The last time I was excited about a free agent or draft pick the Raiders got was Robert Gallery who hasn’t managed to beat out the competent but far from great Barry Sims at left tackle. When Orlando Pace came out the Raiders traded up to the second spot in the draft to nab him and I was psyched. I’m a huge Michigan Wolverines fan and I saw him dominate in THE GAME (fat load of good it did, Michigan still won to beat an undefeated OSU team with an NFL roster, OSU sucks), read about him in S.I., the pancake blocks and his heisman campaign. Well the Raiders missed out on him when St. Louis traded up for him a couple of days before the draft. The Raiders got a great second prize in the late Darrell Russell. Four years into their careers you’d be hard pressed to find anyone who thought the Raiders got a lesser player in Russell. Since then Russell flushed his career and considerable talent down the toilet for drugs before dying in a car accident recently. I hope he finds peace where he is now, but he is indicative of the recent fortunes of the Raiders. "Oh what might have been" has now replaced “Just win baby”.

Al Davis can go out and try to hire the next great offensive coach if he wants to (and yes he wants to find himself another Mike Shanahan or Johnny G in TB so they can get fed up this his BS and leave to become the Raiders tormentors) but what he really needs to do is go out and get a defensive coordinator to be the head coach and let him bring in an offensive coordinator to score the points needed while the defense fixes itself. Hire Ted Cottrell tomorrow Al.

The defense was terrible the entire year and won’t get any better for the conceivable future if Al keeps drafting speed corners over cover corners. Kirk Morrison was a find and should have got some run as defensive rookie of the year but didn’t because of what Shawn Merriman did on national t.v. and the putrid state of the Raiders defense. Build a team around defense now because the offense first approach isn’t working any more. And for cripes sake pick between a 4-3 and 3-4 base and stick with it. Put Tyler Brayton at end with is hand on the ground regardless of the formation, he’ll be great across for Derrick Burgess on third downs.

I’m sick of the losing to shit teams, drafting lousy players too early (see the last three years drafts with the exception of Hawthorne, Morrison and Gallery), anemic “high powered” offenses and signing players with big mouths and small production. Do something with is team Al, PLEASE. I’m starting to feel like I did with the Calgary Flames a few years ago where coach after coach would come and go, the good players would leave and the culture of losing would get worse and worse. I couldn’t watch after a while. I’d get excited at the start of every year only to come crashing down when the stretch drive came along. Well the Flames got the right, defensive coach to build around and now the offense is starting to take care of itself. I’m wondering how much longer I’ll have to rubber neck this car wreak of a team before it gets cleaned up? I give it two more years before I call for Al Davis to step down and for me to take his place. Hell I’m an HR student it’s my dream to run an NFL teams and I can’t do a much worse job of it then what’s happening now.

I guess if I had to sum up my feelings on the season and the team in one statement it would be to quote Clark W. Griswold in National Lampoons Christmas Vacation when he gets his Christmas bonus, “hallelujah, holy shit. Where’s the Tylenol?”.

Sunday, January 08, 2006

Ran the F*&king Table This Weekend

4-0 on the first weekend of the NFL playoffs, hells ya. I'd get some mad props if anyone ever read this crap, but since nobody does I'll continue to be the only one who knows how FREAKING RIGHTOUS I am. Of course this weekend wasn't too hard to pick to tell you the truth. I bet even TSN's resident bum Chris Schultz could have run the table. I hate that guy so they should hire me to do his job and then give me a raise. That's about as likely to happen as a Ryan Leaf comeback or O.J. getting his job back at NBC.

Early thoughts on next week, Bears, Pats, Colts and Hawks roll.

Calgary Flames Action

Holy Herbert Christ that was a horribly ref'd game last night. I wonder if the Canucks took the Refs out for drinks last night to celebrate their win over the Flames in OT last night. I think they should have since they were equal partners in the win. It got so bad at the end of the game I couldn't go to the bathroom or I'd miss a Flames penalty. At least come playoff time those penalties won't be called and the Flames won't get jobbed.

GO FLAMES GO!!!

More Playoff Action

NY Giants vs. Carolina Panthers

I'd like to be picking the Giants since I think they should win the game but some nagging sense in the back of my head tells me that the Panthers will win. I have to go with the nagging voice and say the Panthers take it, but it will be close. Tiki Barber is a very good player having a great season but I don't see him carrying the entire offense today since John Fox would be smart to stop Eli and co. and let Tiki try and beat them. A running back is easier to contain than two receivers and an all world tightend. Given Eli's struggles lately it would be the smart move to take him away and let the rest of the offense do the heavy lifting. Blitz, blitz, blitz and show no mercy.

The Giants defensive line will be opened up late in the game to a heavy dose of Deshaun and a lesser dose of Mr. Davis for Carolina to pull it out.

Carolina Player of the Game: Julius Peppers. He should have a good day if Carolina can get up early and take away Tiki since the Giants offensive line isn't a very talented group.

NY Giants Player of the Game: Amani Toomer: Best receiver on the Giants and today he proves it. Burress and Shockey get the pub but Amani is the straw that stirs the drink.

Final Score: 27 - 21 Carolina but I'm not sold on that


Cincinnati vs. Pittsburgh

Pittsburgh takes it and makes it look easier that it will actually be. Jerome Bettis right, Jerome Bettis left and fast Willy Parker all over the place. Pittsburgh should control the clock and keep the ball away from the Cincinnati offense and to quote Hank Shram "Just keep a purcoltin' it down the field". The Bengals will kill you if you give them a chance, so the smart and savy men of steel will win it but it won't be as easy as it looked.

Cincinnati Player of the Game: Brian Simmons. Most underrated linebacker in the NFL for the last few years. He's no Takeo Spikes but he's close and today he makes the plays on defense to keep them in the game. Outstanding linebacker.

Pittsburgh Player of the Game: Jerome Bettis. Bettis is one badass mofo. He should get about 80 yards and spell Fast Willie enough to keep him fresh. With Randle El and Ward running quick slants all day their will be eight in the box and that is Jerome's style. The Phat back rides again.

Final Score: 31-21 Pittsburgh.

Saturday, January 07, 2006

Playoff Time

'Skins vs. Bucks

Portis will run it early and often and Brunell will do just enough to get it done against the stellar corners (Barber and Kelly) of the Bucks. Carnell Williams is the key to the Bucks offense and the outstanding linebackers of the 'Skins will stop him dead. This is if Greg and Joe play Lavar Arrington for the entire game, I think at least.

Final Score: Skins 27 - Bucks 18

Pats vs. Spotted Cats

Tightend is the position to watch for the Pats in this one. They are loaded at the position and the Jags just don't have the players to cover them with Donovan Darius out for the year. Ben Watson earns his wings and has a nice coming out party as Mike Vrabel plays decoy for him. I really like him and he presents the biggest matchup problem for the Jags and he should have a big day. For the record John Henderson is a better player than Marcus Stroud and he will star against the rookie Logan Mankins today.

Final Score: Pats 31 - Jags 21.

More crude on the other games tomorrow.

Friday, January 06, 2006

A Few Quick Thoughts

Toronto Raptors
Their play has been much better since Gene Keady joined the coaching staff. I bet the first day old Gene came to practice Sam Mitchell waited until he was out of ear shot and told the team if their play and winning percentage didn’t improve they’d all be required to grow the Keadying Comb Over.

Extra Note: Will Chuck Swisky please shut now.

World Junior Championship
Canada proves again that we are the first nation of hockey. What a game in the final and what a team it was. Hard working, talented, hard hitting and relentless, Sutter style hockey is now Canada’s form of hockey.

USA hockey’s National Development program is a failure so far. Turns out that Jack Johnson is a thug, Philly Kessel ain’t that damn good and they can’t play as a team. Nice work, good use of funds.

Calgary Flames
I love this team. Shean “Streaks” Donovan is in a hot spell, so look out NHL. When old Shean gets going he scores ‘em in bunches then disappears for long stretches which I’m ok with as long as he actually gets hot at some point.

Mikka is probably the Flames best goaltender of all time but he’ll have to perform for a few years more and deliver a cup before he can officially pass Mike Vernon. I loved Mike when I was a kid but he never dominated games like Mikka does and he never got many shutouts. His teams were much more proficient scoring with great defense and special teams. Mikka has the makings of great defense in front of him, decent but improving special teams but no where near the offensive talent of Mike V’s early teams. #34 till I die son.

Checkout the Battle of Alberta Blog which is written by my brother in law, Matt, and his friend Sacamano, or the Sac-man if you prefer, it’s a great blog.

Bonus Thought: Leafs blow, Oilers suck and Canucks lick.

Paris Hilton
I was walking into a Shoppers Drug Mart last night to get some Orange Crush and Cool Ranch Doritos for the World Junior game and the store had a sticker on the door advertising a new Paris Hilton perfume. I can’t stop wonder what woman would want to smell like stale gin and old crabs. Just can’t figure that one out. I don’t want to smell like I’ve humped more junk than a desert camel, so why would anyone else?

Great Big Sea
This band sucks, straight up. Why do all their songs sound exactly the fu*&ing same. I think of them as a neufy version of Our Lady Peace. OLP is another of our great Canadian bands that has all of their songs sound identical to the next single and all the sorry ass crap that preceded it. I think they can thank the Canadian Content laws for most of their career success. They shouldn’t feel bad though, lots of artists are in the same boat (I’m looking at you Kim Mitchell).